t0 my ever dearez baby b0i..

n0 w0rds can ever describe my lub 4 u..i knw tis s0und cheezy..hahax..n dun even tink tt u'll ever hear it cumin 0utta my m0uth aitez..t0dae's finally the dae i guess..i jus wana take tis 0pp0rtunity 2 ap0l0gise 2 u if i've d0ne u ani wr0n 0r my acti0ns 0r w0rds hab hurt u..th0ugh raya is jus ard the c0rner..hahax..eventh0ugh its been nearly 2mths since we gt t0gether..the times i've spent wid u..even if it was rare..i had the bezt time ever..bein wid u hab made mi realise hw it feels 2 b l0ved..i really appreciate it al0t..wenever i'm wid u..i can nv st0p smilin..0h g0d tis hurts..2 even tink tt i'll b separated frm u..its makin mi hard 2 breathe..i wish tt i cld jus tell u hw much i lub u..bt i mit jus end up sayin sumtin snarky..ytd..as u pr0mized mi..u spent the wh0le dae wid mi..i was damn bl0ody hapie..bt at the same time..i felt miserable inside..i really wished tt e dae wil nv ever end..n jus b wid u much l0nger..hahax..tts dumb rite..i knw..wen the end 0f the dae came..n u waited wid mi 4 my buz 2 arrive..i realised hw much i lub n nid u in my life..wen the stupid buz finally did arrive..i really didnt wana let u g0..it hurts lk fuck man..i was tryin very..very..very hard nt 2 burst int0 tears rite infr0nt 0f u..cuz i knw tt its jus s hard 4 u..arghhh..!! my eyes r pretty blurred n my keyb0ard is kinda wet..my tears wldnt st0p drippin..dun w0rie aitez..i'll b fine..in a wae i guess..muz tc 0f urself aitez..dun sm0ke 0nli k dear..muz alwaez rmb 2 eat..ltr kena gastric..0h my g0d..i'm s0o w0rried abt u la..bt i M hapie..wen u hugged mi n said tt u'll wait 4 mi..if i had died ytd..i dun tink tt i'll hab tt much regrets..i saved tis bl0g msg jus 4 u..h0pin tt u'll read it if i'm nt by ur side by e end 0f t0dae..n knw hw much i lub u..izit t0o much 2 ask 4 if i were 2 sae tt hw i wish n h0pe tt u r here 2 c0mf0rt mi wen i'm bein such a crybaby..? bt tinkin abt it..i wld prefer u nt see-in mi bein s0o weepy n em0ti0nal ba..hahax..i'm kinda fickle-minded rite..? i guess tt i'm 0verwhelmed by my c0nflictin em0ti0ns at tis very m0ment..tell evri1 tt i'm g0na miz them aitez..n pls take beta care 0f urself..b4 i cum aft u pers0nally..hehe..i'm such a weird gerfy aft all..hahax..tt made mi feel abit beta..btw..i'm s0rie 4 bein s0o mushy..its s0o nt mi la..hahax..if its sum1 else's bl0g, i mite even find it disgustin 0r t0uched..depends..n i mite tink tt the bl0gger is psych0 0r sumtin..i'll alwaez lub u sean chia..n0 matter where u 0r i may b..as l0ng as 0ur hearts r c0nnected..

s e dae gets cl0ser..!

as the dae 0f my c0urt hearin gets cl0ser..i gt m0re anxi0us..i started panickin lk mad..desperately tryin 2 find ani p0ssible meth0d jus 2 get the m0ney 2 pay my fine..i even nearly br0ke my baby's truzt by tryin 2 get ah0ld 0f the m0ney..i'm really deeply s0rie babe..i was gettin xtremely desperate..i jus d0wana leave u all al0ne..i knw tt i m wr0n..i'm glad tt i didnt went wid tt plan til the end..i regret my acti0ns very much..n i've learnt my less0n..it pisses mi 0f n left mi feelin vulnerable..the t0t 0f nt bein able 2 see u..msg wid u..t0k 2 u..n even nt bein able 2 mit u..kills mi bit by bit..it gt mi really desperate jus 2 av0id feelin all tt..i may l0ok calm..bt as the dae ticks by..in my heart n mind..all i cld ever tink 0f is "wad wil the c0nclusi0n 0f my hearin b..?" n u..hw cld i ever live wid myself 4 leavin ur side..its drivin mi insane..bt i jus d0wan u 2 see mi brkin apart..n nw..the dae hab finally arrived..n i'm t0tally freaked 0ut..

keep y0u much l0nger..

i'm in lub wid tis s0ng by ak0n recently..mayb its cuz it really reminds mi 0f hw my current relati0nship wid sean i guess..u knw hw he rarely hab time 4 mi n stuffs..bt i'm kinda w0rried tt 1dae it'll b his turn 2 feel wad i've been g0in thru nw..wen he finally hab e time 4 mi, i wil n0 l0nger hab much time 4 him..nt cuz i'm d0in it 0n purp0se..bt m0re 2 e fact tt i'll hab m0re resp0nsibilties in e future..4 nw..i'm nt w0rkin cuz 0f my impendin c0urt case..bt aft tt..i'll surely w0rk hard 4 my parents n 4 myself..its lk hw e song g0es..wen i m really l0nely cuz he's t0o bz, i learnt hw 2 fly..0n my 0wn..jus 2 keep myself 0ccupied durin e times wen he wasnt there..i w0nder hw he'll c0pe wid it..he's nt really a str0n guy..bt he's really undrstndin..n sensitive in a wae..it kinda gt mi w0rried..n wid e fact tt i mit b inside 4 a wk..i'm w0rried tt he wun wait 4 mi..he mite jus find sum1 else u knw..jus tinkin abt l0sin him makes mi wana cry s0o badly..its undeniable tt i lub him..n i dun d0ubt his lub 4 mi..its jus tt..i'm w0rried tt sum1 mite jus cum al0ng n jus snatch him awae frm mi while i'm g0ne..tis is e greatez 0pp0rtunity 4 it..i jus kinda nid him in my life..he's alwaez there 2 gib mi c0urage wen i nid it..wad happens wen he's nt there..i'm scared..i d0wana l0se him..n i dun lk e t0t 0f even l0sin him..it sux n it hurtz..mayb i'm jus bein paran0id..u knw..wenever i get e chance 2 mit him, i jus wish tt time wld st0p 0r b pr0l0nged..i jus wana keep him 2 myself much l0nger..bt life is unfair..wen u're havin fun wid e 1 wh0m u lub, time flies by s0o fast n b4 u knw it..its time 2 let g0..e time i've spent wid him nv seem enuf..bt its sumtin tt i really lub n treasure al0t..n0 matter where 0r wad we're up t0, its s0o much fun..there's jus s0o much j0y..n i dun wish 2 ever l0se sumtin s preci0us s tis..it'll jus brk mi int0 pieces..e pieces tt he n my bel0ved frenz spent s0o much time puttin baq t0gether..he's my pillar 0f strength..al0ng wid my treasured frenz..wid0ut u guys..i wldnt b wh0 i m nw..smilin s0o hapiely..abit r0ugh n crude bt h0nezt..e tins u guys pass n taught mi r alwaez g0na b wid mi 4 life..n0 matter wad happens..its nw bcum an impt part 0f mi..n i'll alwaez treasure tis lil gifts..i'm jus tankful 2 evri1..2 b able 2 knw u guys 0ut there r e greatez..lets alwaez keep tis lub n frenship g0in 0n 4 a much much l0nger time aitez..tc..i lub u guys b4, nw n 4ever..muackz..hehe..s0o freakin mushy sia..i kinda s0und stupid nw..bt its e truth n its e w0rdz tt i've finally been able 2 pull 0ut frm my heart..

feelin unwanted..??

u knw hw wen u're b0th bz n dun really hab time 2 mit each 0ther..well..tts 1 0f the reas0ns y i dun really mind wen i'm nt able 2 mit him..since he's bz jugglin wid w0rk n frenz..bt i dun0 y..bt i kinda feel neglected..i undrstnd tt evri1 nids their space..bt i really feel unwanted 4 sum reas0n..i even feel tt sumtimes i'm a "jus f0r display" d0ll..its weird rite..?? well..i kinda hab my reas0ns 4 feelin tis wae 0f cuz..i'm nt sure if i'm bein unreas0nable by feelin tis wae..its freakin c0nfusin..n i've been p0nderin abt it 4 quite sum time..mi n him..we rarely mit..especially cuz he's bz n hab 0ther pri0rities..i'm nt the kinda thick-headed ger wh0 tinks tt her b0yfie hafta spend all his time wid her..0f tt i'm sure..bt its jus tt..he jus really dun gib a damn abt mi..he rarely msges..n we rarely mit..in n0rmal circumstances, ppl wil sae tt he's tw0-timin 0r he jus gt sick n tired 0f mi alrdy..bt izit p0ssible?? i hab t0tal faith n trust in him..i dun believe tt he wil cheat 0n mi..he rarely msges..bt wen he d0es, he'll msg mi halfwae n den the c0nversati0n gt l0zt..cuz he suddenly didnt reply..he ask mi 2 msg..bt wen i did msg, he nv replied..i tried 2 make plans wid him..bt all e plans tt i came up wid falls thru..cuz its either he's gt w0rk [i dun blame him 4 tt] 0r he 4gt all abt it n made plans wid his frenz instead..i cant sae anitin abt it..cuz he can b rather 4getful..bt it kinda gibs mi the feelin tt i really dun matter much 2 him..n its rather painful 2 tink 0f it tt wae..i mit up wid him atleaz 0nce a wk bt..i didnt mit him tis entire wk..i dun seem 2 get a sae in hw we mit..really..wen he feels lk it, he'll jus suddenly msg 0r call mi up n tel mi 2 mit..i wish i can sae n0..bt its s0o rare 2 b able 2 mit up wid him tt i jus dr0p wadever i'm d0in 0r quickly get 0ut 0f bed jus 2 mit him..tinkin abt it..sumtimes i really feel lk cryin..many times actually..i did cry 0nce..n eventh0ugh i d0 lub him, i find myself wishin tt i m his fren rather den his gerfy..cuz he really care n take his frenz m0re seri0usly den mi..i really hate tis feelin 0f bein unwanted al0t..its as if he placed a wall btwn us..lk i dun bel0ng in his life..0r rather..m0re lk i was nv apart 0f it 2 begin wid..n n0 matter wad i d0..i can nv brk dwn the wall, bel0ng in his life 0r bcum apart 0f it..n tt really sux..its lk i'm a really uselez n pathetic gerfy..wen evri1 keeps tellin mi tt i'm actually a really great 1..i'm s0o damn c0nfused nw..its nt a nice feelin 2 start 0f wid..if i stil hab al0tta tearz..i tink tt i wld hab cried a river til its full..cuz i'm a crybaby..bt i cant..been cryin n wastin t0o much tearz 0n guys..haiz..i dun get it..i really really really dun get it..

n0w..mi n HIM..!

i knw hw ppl misjudged mi al0t..cuz 4 1tin, i cant h0ld 0n 2 a guy 4 l0ng..it sux 4 mi t0o u knw..its nt as if i wana change b0yfie as fazt as i change cl0thes..bt i keep gettin dumped 4 sum reas0n..maybe its jus mi ch0osin n gettin e wr0n guys all e time..bt 4 nw..i'm hapie wid e fact tt i've gtten 2 knw HIM..! i gt 2 knw HIM frm my s0oulmate..apparently..he's my s0ulmates' acquaintance..? 0r izit fren..? they're in e same camp la..i acc0mpanied my s0ulmate 2 his fren's burffy pit..cuz my s0ulmate is e kinda guy wh0's quiet n dun mix ard much..eventh0ugh he's frenly n fairly p0pular..bt he's a nice n shy guy..he was w0ried tt he wldnt b able 2 t0k much s0o i went al0ng wid him n kept him c0mpany n was willin 2 supp0rt him in makin e eff0rt 2 blend in wid e cr0wd..tt was wen i met HIM..he was lk a hyper bunny..in e energizer ad..s0o full 0f energy n exudin tis feelin 0f frenlinez all ard..i'm a frenly n 0utg0in kinda ger..s0o i was all t0o hyped up abt makin new frenz..i was mixin ard n t0kin al0t..enj0yin myself 2 e fullezt..wen he suddenly came n started t0kin 2 my s0ulmate..e tin is..my s0ulmate n i..we didnt make it clear wads 0ur RS wid each 0ther was..we jus wanted 2 c wad ppl t0t we were 2 each 0ther..s0o e gr0up kept assumin al0tta tins abt us..we had al0tta fun laughin lk mad evritime they came up wid a new assumpti0n abt us..it was kinda lk a private j0ke 2 e b0th 0f us..it came 2 a p0int where i cldnt take it anim0re n dcided 2 let them 0ff 0n e assumpti0ns..cuz i cldnt st0p laughin at their assumpti0ns..it was hilari0us..hehe..aft clearin a wee bit 0f e air btwn my s0ulmate n i..HE suddenly gt m0re enthusiastic n started chattin 2 mi al0t m0re..we had fun chattin abt alotta t0pics..nt 0nli e b0th 0f us la..wid e gr0up t0o..by tt time, m0z 0f them were K.0 alrdy..as we were chattin, he suddenly asked mi 4 my n0..! n he even asked permissi0n frm my s0ulmate..! hehehe..aint tt ad0rable..at tt p0int, they assumed tt mi n my s0ulmate were siblings..! haa..! my s0ulmate was actin all pr0tective 0f mi as if i was really his flesh n bl0od sister..i knw i was bein rude la..bt i really tried very, very hard..in e end..i burst 0ut laughin..! cant h0ld it in anim0re..! afew daez since e pit, he msged mi..! n u knw wad..he actually gave mi HIS n0 b4 askin mi 4 my n0..we started 0ut msgin n gettin 2 knw each 0ther beta..n in e end we finally met up al0ne..jus e 2 0f us..we slacked n t0k-ed n0nst0p..by nearly e end 0f e dae, he suddenly c0nfessed his feelins..i was quite stunned..4 1tin, i dun really knw HIM..bt we kinda had tis chemistry n c0nnecti0n g0in 0n..we jus CLICKED..i was dumbf0unded wen he 'fessed up..it t0ok mi quite awhile 2 rec0ver..r0ughly 10minz..durin which he was m0re 0r lesz t0kin 2 himself la..hehe..wen he requested 4 my answer..i said yes..0f cuz..! i kinda lk e wae he 'fessed up 2 mi face-t0-face n he was h0nezt wid his feelins..it requires guts 2 d0 s0o..n i admire him 4 d0in s0o..nw we r..d0in quite fine..th0ugh we rarely mit..we d0 appreciate n treasure e time we spend t0gether..
aft all tis l0ng-winded gibberish..
i stil haven dclare wh0 he is..
he's name is sean..
n i lub him..

guys r nth bt trouble..

haiz..guys really r nth bt trouble arent they..havin guys ard mi gibs mi constant headaches..xcept 4 sum of them ah..cuz i've gt great guy frenz too..they're really e bez ah..bt those tt keeps givin mi probs r e 1s who sae tt they LOVE mi..bt do they really undrstnd wad love means in e 1st plc?? i knw tt i'm nt sum kinda pro in RS..bt i jus wan sum1 2 truly lub n undrstnds mi..is tt sumtin diff 2 ask 4?? i dun nid their money, sex or wadsoever..i jus wan sumtin s simple s tt..of cuz la..i wan HIM 2 b faithful..which ger in tis planet or even universe wana share a bf?! if there is a person lk tt, tt person is REALLY STUPID!! cuz lub is SElFISH..its sumtin tt cant b shared..i've gt a bf la..bt too bad he's stuck in his past RS..his x-gf is alrdy engaged 2 another guy ah..bt unfortunately 4 mi, though she's engaged, she's tryin 2 steal my bf..haiz..its heart-brkin la..cuz i lub my bf..bt i cant seem 2 b able 2 do anitin..cuz he's stil deeply in lub wid her..n i'm jus sum new ger..its a pain ah..bt i cant hold on 2 sum1 tt doesnt lub mi rite?? soo..i've dcided 2 let go la..bt slowly by slowly..aft all..i really lub him alot..though he's a matrep n a player..i jus cant help fallin 4 e bad guys..zurwiyadi bin zanuri..iki nastrah really lub u alot u knw..wish tt u'll cum baq 2 mi whole-heartedly 1dae..bt its all fat hope ba..cuz i knw him too well..even if he doesnt notice it..i'm glad 2 hab known him..though there r more pain n tears in tis RS, there were times of beautiful memories too..n i'll treasure it wid mi..no matter where i'll b..i jus wish u happinez n hope tt u'll change..if u ever wana cum baq 2 mi, i'll stil b there 4 u..bt it wun b e same animore la..cuz u wana leave mi 4 sum other ger ma..

can it get ani worse??

life seems 2 get harder dae by dae..i gt whacked pretty badly by my stepdad laz fri..or was it thurs?? niwaez..he gave mi 3mths 2 find a proper job n get a plc 2 live in..guess tt means he's kickin mi out..haiz..i'm kinda disappointed in my mum ah..actually..i'm v disappointed in her ah..she doesnt seem 2 care abt mi at all..n i'm her onli daughter..its v heartbrkin u knw..she didnt even look 4 mi..wads e whole pt of mi usin a hp if she doesnt even knw hw 2 cntct mi at all?? even my elder bro is disappointed n mad at her..i knew tt my mum's character is lk tis all along..bt i jus dowana believe it..aft all, she IS my mum rite?? i tot tt she wld b by my side no matter wad happens..its nt as if i'm an adopted child..i'm her real flesh n blood daughter tt she carried 4 9mths..i jus dun get it y she chose 2 abandon mi instead..